Repercussions II
by LisaJ
Summary: Sam and Jack's secret romance has unexpected consequences - Sam's POV


Repercussions II  
  
Major Samantha Carter stood outside of General Hammond's office, dreading the confrontation she knew was imminent. Earlier that day SG1 had returned from a disastrous mission, during which Daniel Jackson had been severely injured. The worst thing about this situation was that it had been completely avoidable. In the post-mission briefing, she and Colonel O'Neill were forced to admit that they had been derelict in their duty. Instead of paying attention to the surroundings, and safeguarding their colleagues, they had been discussing their personal relationship. As a result, hostile natives had attacked the campsite, wounding Daniel, and the team had barely escaped through the Stargate. Now she had to face General Hammond. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on his office door.  
  
"Come in Major," the General said, his anger and disappointment evident.  
  
Sam stood before General Hammond, too ashamed to look him in the eye.  
  
"Major, I don't have to tell you how disappointed I am with both you and Colonel O'Neill," the General began. "Good Lord, what on earth were you thinking? Getting involved with your commanding officer, risking your team mates safety. All because of a ridiculous infatuation," General Hammond continued, his voice rising. "You know better, Major, you're not some cadet right out of the Academy. If it weren't for your past service record I'd recommend a court-martial for you both," the General said, his voice rising. "Do you realize how bad this looks? Every favorable fitness report and job evaluation Colonel O'Neill gave you is now called into question. You knew it was wrong but you did it anyway. Why Major? I'm even more disappointed in you than in Colonel O'Neill."   
  
"General, we didn't think we were doing anything wrong," she said.  
  
"You didn't think you were doing anything wrong!" the General said angrily. "Did you think that the rules only apply to other people?" he demanded.  
  
"We, we wanted to be together," Sam stuttered.  
  
"That's no excuse. If you wanted to be together so badly, why on earth didn't you simply transfer to another team, Major?" Hammond asked.   
  
"We didn't want to change things. We thought everything could go on as usual," Sam replied.  
  
"Well, obviously you were both wrong," the General said coldly. "I have a hard time believing that both you and Colonel O'Neill were naive enough to think that you could completely alter the team dynamic without negative consequences."   
  
"General, I'd like to take some time off, to think about things," she muttered.  
  
"I think that's probably a good idea, you have plenty of unused leave, take at least a month," the General replied. "Dismissed."  
  
Leaving General Hammond's office, Sam noticed two airmen standing by the door. She couldn't help overhearing their conversation. "I guess we know how she got promoted to Major so fast," one said. "Cheyenne Mountain's own Monica Lewinski," the other quipped. They both broke into laughter, pausing only when they realized Sam was watching them. Smirking, the first airman said "Can I help you, Major?". Shaking her head no, she fled, her face burning.   
  
"Is that everyone's opinion of me? Holy Hannah, what have I done? They think I'm a slut. I've worked so hard all these years to earn respect, to be considered an equal and now I've become a joke!" Sam thought, horrified. Reaching the sanctuary of her office, Sam sank into a chair, put her head in her hands and began to cry.   
  
Later, after calming down, Sam began to analyze her situation, trying to figure out how she got into such a mess.   
  
"Why did I get involved with my CO in the first place?" she asked herself. "Do I really care for him, or is it something else? Be honest, "I got a thrill out of breaking the rules for once in my life. Yeah, for once in my by-the-book, follow-the-rules, be a good little soldier life, I violated regulations. I've never dated a man Dad didn't approve of, even Jonas had him fooled for a while. Most girls go through the whole 'date the bad boy' thing when they're teenagers, not at the age of 35. Is all this simply the adolescent rebellion I never had?" she mused.  
  
Restless, Sam got up and began pacing back and forth.   
  
"No, it wasn't just about my getting away with bucking the regulations. It's hard to meet someone when you work at a top-secret base, at least with Jack I didn't have to watch what I say constantly. No, I could say whatever I want (and watch his eyes glaze over in boredom more often than not). Where did that thought come from?" she wondered. "Do I even like him all that much? On the rare occasions we've been alone together, we've done nothing but argue. I thought it was a sign of passion, but it wasn't really, just more evidence that we don't belong together."  
  
Sam sighed. It was difficult, but she had to face facts.  
  
"Ego, pure ego, to think I was above the regulations. I let what I do go to my head. St. Sam, Savior of the Universe. She can do whatever she wants, no petty regulations can contain her. What a joke. I nearly got Daniel killed today, and I've probably destroyed our friendship, not to mention the team. Who did I think I was? I should have transferred off the team immediately after he asked me to the cabin. I should have known better than to get involved with my CO. I'll be lucky to escape this with my career intact."  
  
"Poor Daniel, he's the one who has had to pay the highest price. He's lost his best friend. What happened to their friendship?" she wondered. "They were like brothers, now O'Neill barely tolerates Daniel. I have to admit it. I haven't behaved any better towards Daniel either. He was like a brother to me too, but I dumped him as a friend him the minute O'Neill showed some interest in me."  
  
Sam's anger and self-loathing grew.  
  
"I can't put all the blame on him. I'm a grown woman, I knew what I was doing. But he knew it was wrong too," a little voice nagged. "He's the commanding officer, HE never should have started this. Why does he even want to be with me? We have nothing in common, we can't be seen in public together without risking our careers, and let's face it, intellectually we're not exactly equally matched. The man has never tried to hide either his dislike of scientists or his complete lack of interest in anything other than beer and hockey."   
  
An unpleasant idea occurred to Sam. "Could it be that I'm convenient? Is that it? Why bother to go out and meet women when good ol' Sam is available. You don't have to take her to dinner or anything, just flirt a little, buy her the occasional beer at O'Malley's, and you're in business. No, that isn't fair. It's hard to sustain a relationship when you have to keep so much of your life a secret, and I know he's been lonely."   
  
Recalling the two airmen outside of General Hammond's office, she grimaced. "That damned double standard. It's always the woman who pays the higher price. No one makes dirty jokes about the man or calls him names. But for a woman, well, that's different. One slip up and she automatically gets becomes the base bimbo and no one ever lets her forget it. I really messed up. Is anyone at Cheyenne Mountain ever going to take me seriously again? Will I even HAVE a career left if word of this gets out?"  
  
"I have a month's leave to sort things out. I'd like to get away, sort things through, make some decisions about my life. Maybe I'll visit Mark. But first, I'm going to put an end to this. We have no future together. It may hurt his feelings, but it's best in the long run," she decided.  
  
Sam went to the commissary, hoping to postpone the inevitable. However, as usual, things didn't work out as she planned. A few minutes later Jack entered the commissary, came over to her table, and sat down. Sam looked at him, drew a deep breath and said "Sir we have to talk".  
  
Jack froze, it was never a good sign to hear "we have to talk".  
  
"I have to say this eventually, it might as well be now" Sam said. "We have to face up to the facts, our actions have had repercussions we never dreamed of. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, lets face it, we were deluding ourselves. How could we have believed that we could become intimate without affecting the team. We've both been so selfish, and the truth is, I sometimes suspect that our whole relationship has been based more on loneliness and lack of opportunity than anything else. I do care for you, but I need some time to myself to sort out my feelings." Sam continued.  
  
Jack sat stunned, unable to speak.  
  
"Please, I've already made up my mind. General Hammond has given me four weeks leave, and I intend to get a way from Colorado for a while." Sam said.   
  
"Where will you go?" Jack asked.  
  
"I thought I'd spend visit Mark, I don't know what I'll do after that. Please don't try to contact me." Sam stood up, sighed and said "before I go I have to see Daniel, I hope he can accept my apology. I'm sorry Colonel, I wish things had worked out better."  
  
Sam left the commissary, not looking back as Jack stared sadly after her.   
  
The End 


End file.
